如何像建筑師那樣跳舞？
How to Dance Like an Architect

由專筑網(wǎng)李韌，楊帆編譯

眾所周知，建筑行業(yè)充滿了壓力。漫長的項目周期、熬夜、優(yōu)柔寡斷的客戶、武斷的客戶、各種限制、規(guī)范、軟件、承包商等等，這一系列的問題讓建筑行業(yè)看上去險象環(huán)生。因此，一旦有機會，建筑師非常迫切地需要釋放這些來自工作中的壓力。下面是一些建筑師的“專屬舞蹈動作”：

Architecture, as all architects like to remind everyone, can be a stressful profession. Long days, late nights, indecisive clients, too-decisive clients, permit issues, legal issues, software problems, contractor problems... all combine to generate a high-pressure work environment. So, when architects get a chance to let loose and relieve some of that pressure, they really let loose. Here are a few moves to get you dancing like an architect:

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? Andrea Vasquez

套頭毛衣

在你平時穿黑色高領(lǐng)毛衣的過程中，你的手臂會形成無形的束縛感，當(dāng)你把雙臂放在身體兩側(cè)，這就好像把兩只腳塞進(jìn)鞋子中那樣。當(dāng)你的體溫逐漸上升，這個過程會變得更加緩慢。套頭毛衣是生活必需品，因為這關(guān)乎著你的審美表現(xiàn)。

The Turtleneck Shuffle
Donned in your usual black turtleneck, this move is based around limited arm movement and gradual overheating. With arms pinned to your sides, try to get as much going in the leg department as your Birkenstocks allow. This can get looser and slower as your body temperature rises. The turtleneck must stay on at all costs. It’s all about commitment to the aesthetic.

? Andrea Vasquez

渲染人員

我們都不了解這樣的動作是否會造成腕管綜合征，但實際操作上與CAD和PS無異，當(dāng)你把手放在身體兩側(cè)，像雨刮器一般擺動你的前臂，這個動作讓人感覺類似橡皮擦工具的操作。

The Renderer
It’s hard to say for sure whether or not this move was born from carpal tunnel syndrome, but either way it’s a hit with CAD monkeys and photoshop whizzes alike. With elbows pressed firmly to your sides, swing your forearms from side to side in a windscreen wiper motion as if you’re going hard with that eraser tool.

? Andrea Vasquez

熬夜者

這個動作來源于三天沒睡覺的你，在拜托長時間身心折磨之后，只想緊閉雙眼，全身松軟，身體無限接近地面。如果你真想證明自己的付出，你可以直接睡在你的“戰(zhàn)場”上，但這是最不健康的生活方式。

The All-Nighter
Dance like you’re finally free after an end of term critique, but you haven’t slept for three days. Eyes closed, body all floppy, the closer your fingers are to the floor the more convincing this move becomes. If you really want to prove how dedicated you are to the cause, you can actually fall asleep on the dance floor, claiming the coveted title in the who-has-the-most-unhealthy-work-culture-in-architecture-(dance)-battle.

? Andrea Vasquez

客戶的傲嬌姿態(tài)

建筑師的上帝甲方往往呈現(xiàn)出傲嬌的姿態(tài)，他們常常在事務(wù)所中如圓舞曲般來回走動，有時你以為自己已經(jīng)很努力了，但是這些甲方會讓你感覺被打回原形。

The Client Waltz
Architects who favor this dance can be seen spinning around in circles until they end up where they started. In your own attempt, make some of these circles deceptively wide, so you think you’re making progress, until you hit the same spot all over again.

? Andrea Vasquez

火燒眉毛

這種動作一般來源于建筑師的崩潰狀態(tài)，上躥下跳來回跑動，這就好像電影中炸彈即將爆炸的場面。

Burning Down the House
Inspired by architecture-related hits, Burning Down the House is all about anarchy and demolition. Jump up and down, thrash around, and make like Howard Roark about to explode something.

? Andrea Vasquez

虛擬的房地產(chǎn)經(jīng)紀(jì)人

這種姿態(tài)來源于房地產(chǎn)經(jīng)紀(jì)人，他們通常漫無目的地來回走動，視察般地偶然在你的背后站立，然后再慢慢走開去視察下一個人。

The Virtual Realtor
Grope aimlessly at the air and bump into people. Move suddenly out of the way of unseen objects. Occasionally stand still for minutes at a time just moving your head around slowly.

? Andrea Vasquez

繪圖板

這是一個新老建筑師都懷念的時代。身體前傾，臀部翹起，身體與地面呈現(xiàn)了一定的角度，有時還會隨著音樂的節(jié)奏晃動手臂。

最后…

The Drawing Board
One for the older architects and younger architects nostalgic for a different time. Bend back and forth from the hips and stick your arms out at a right angle. Adjust arms in incremental movements in time with the music.

And finally...

? Andrea Vasquez

建筑師的經(jīng)典造型

建筑師的常態(tài)便是在一個房間里走來走去，然后指出各種有趣的空間與設(shè)計上的問題。對于空間的評判，他們常常會使用例如“整體”與“部分”等專業(yè)術(shù)語。建筑師恨不得讓全世界的人都知道這個行業(yè)有多重要，如果你對建筑師充滿信任，那么他們將為你創(chuàng)造一個完美的世界。

現(xiàn)在，請愉悅地盡情舞動吧！

圖片來源：Andrea Vasquez

The Architect Classic
Go around the room pointing out interesting details and spatial conditions. Be highly critical and use words like “program” and “parti,” which seem confusing in the context of a bar. Make sure you remind everyone how important architects are and how we could basically save the world if someone would just let us already.

Now, dance like you just received an occupancy certificate!
Images for this article were kindly provided by Andrea Vasquez.